Is there someone in your life who you love almost more than life itself — a child, a parent, a sibling, a best friend, a partner? Think of that person right now. Picture their face in your head. Feel the sensations in your body as you think of them. Now imagine that they spilled a cup of water. Do you still love them? Do you call them names and tell them that they are a bad person? Likely not. You probably tell them it’s ok, it’s just water, and it isn’t important.

Now imagine you are getting ready for your day and you spill a cup of water — how do you react? If you are like a lot of people, you immediately feel clumsy and may even call yourself stupid for spilling it. You may get overly angry at yourself and berate yourself for it. How do you feel right now thinking about spilling that cup of water? This is a habit that you have control over, and that you can learn to stop doing in order to start the process of loving yourself. You may feel like it is silly to talk to yourself, but you actually do it all the time without thinking about it.

One of my favorite authors, Louise Hay, wrote: “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” This is the basis of learning to treat yourself with loving kindness — to treat yourself as you do the people you love most in your life. It takes three simple steps to start, and lots of practice, but once you see the difference in your everyday life, it will be worth the effort.

Step 1: Be Aware Start listening to your self-talk. Be aware of the times that you are speaking to yourself with venom as opposed to honey. It may surprise you how often in a day you use unkind words toward yourself.

Step 2: Change the Narrative When you notice yourself using unkind words and phrases, change the tone. Instead of: “I am so stupid and clumsy, I can’t believe I spilled that cup of water” Say: “It’s ok, it’s just water and it’s easy to clean up” It seems simple, but it makes a difference.

Step 3: Practice, Practice, Practice Take a stack of Post-it Notes and write affirmations on them. Post these in your home, office, car — wherever you will see them most — so you remember to say them. The point of practicing these affirmations throughout the day is so that when the time comes when you are tempted to speak in a not-so-nice way to yourself, you will already be in the habit of saying nice things instead. Here are some suggestions for affirmations:

    • I am enough just as I am
    • My value is not determined by others’ opinions
    • I am allowed to ask for what I want and need
    • Challenges make me stronger and wiser
    • I release what does not serve me

Every morning, recite 3–5 affirmations to get in the habit of speaking nicely to yourself. Whenever you come across a Post-it during the day, recite the affirmation. I even have one on my phone that pops up every morning at 9am: “I am enough.” We all need gentle reminders from time to time. Rachele Khadjehturian, BC-FNP. 914-500-8183, https://www.newchapterwellness.com/ Thank you for reading.